She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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