she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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