Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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