They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
