1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
