he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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