i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
