How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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