Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize