mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
