U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
