I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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