nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
