What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize