I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
