I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
