Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
