peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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