Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
