i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
