only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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