Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
