Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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