I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
