I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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