I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
