Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
