U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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