i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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