would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
