I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize