what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
