I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I will be naked everywhere
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
