I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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