I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize