So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
