Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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