evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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