it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
