this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
