"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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