No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
