I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
