i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
