In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize