Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
