you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Cover your peen. We're going out.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
