If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize