First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I understand Curling. That high.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
