You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
