Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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