On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
