so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
