Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
