Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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