My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize