I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
