So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
