Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
