I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
