I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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