I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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