you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
