What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
