they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
