Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
