You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
