don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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