I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
