yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Come on in and take your pants off
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