I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
