making cat noises will not fix the situation.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
FUCK WHALES
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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