I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
