he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
