this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
