Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What a fucking waste of an outfit
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize